Here We Are Together

Look who joined our family today!

We waited patiently for him to tell us his name,
& we are very pleased to introduce:

Arthur Graham Lucius

He’s a tiny little person, just about 46 cm & 3100 g ,
quite different from our other two, & we can’t wait to get to know him better.

Now, I wish I could think of something meaningful to say, but we’ve been up for three days straight,
so I really want to go to bed & hug this sweet little one.

Wishing you a very lovely day.
♥

Thank you so much for all the comments & emails, you really have no idea how much i needed that,
how much i needed to hear that we are not the only ones who have bad days.
It’s hard to remember sometimes, you know?
I want to share our forest with you, because it’s the place we go to when we need to get away, when we need to be alone yet together, if that makes sense.

Our forest is a really magical place. It’s up high on a cliff top, so when you are at edge of the forest it overlooks the sea.

This place here, it’s one of my favourites, these tree stumps in a circle,

they are so perfect for sitting, thinking, climbing, balancing or just touching them.

Every day there is something new, I’m not sure where all the things come from, but I’m reasonably sure it’s not made by people.

These are Emi’s favourites, they’ve been here a while:

This was not here yesterday:

And these are new, too. There were many of them, all up high in the trees, some in little tree-houses:

What I love most about our forest is how safe it feels, how there is always somewhere to sit down and think, but also to run and play and be wild.

There is another special little place in our forest , but I will have to share that tomorrow,
because now it’s time to light some candles, put the clary sage on the oil burner and snuggle up with Ezi ,
I’m hoping tonight he will fall asleep before 3 am.
I’m having some contractions, but I don’t think they will turn into anything lasting, but you never know.
We still have not decided on a name, though we have really given up on that, we will just have to wait till this baby lets us know.

I’m wishing you a lovely weekend,
& again, thank you, thank you, thank you.
♥

Do you know how sometimes you really want to share something with people , but you can’t, because you have not shared it with someone else yet? Someone who should probably know first?
That’s how I’m feeling right now, & it’s not good. I don’t like keeping secrets, I am not good at it.
I feel like getting naked. Not literally. Not yet,anyway. I will join all the beautiful Mamas over at The Shape of a Mother once I have had this baby. I was going to submit something after George was born, but things happened , more annoying things I can not share for fear of hurting others, that stopped me from even looking into a mirror for well over a month.
What I mean is , I need to say things. I need to find somewhere to say them where the people who are not supposed to know won’t read it. I’ve been over at Facebook a lot.

I have been having a hard time staying calm around people who give me advice on how to deal with certain things, how to raise my children, that sort of thing.

I have been staying away from situations that will make me angry.
I have been looking at places to move to, because I feel we need to get away.
Did I tell you that our neighbours complained about us?
It’s funny, actually. They complained about this:

A tiny picture frame in the window. They actually complained. And not in a nice way, not talking to us first, no, they complained to the “board”, and to the letting agent.

It’s not the reason I want to move, though. I adore this house, it is our home, it is in a beautiful place, but we won’t get to stay much longer anyway. Our contract ended a month ago and they still haven’t renewed it. The only reason they are letting us stay is because I’m pregnant, & I have no doubt that they will ask us to leave soon.
I think it’s for the best, though. As I said, I want to get away. I want to move to a place where noone knows us, where there is some distance between us and everyone & everything.

We have been going to the forest a lot,
it feels good. It feels better than going to the beach, I’m not sure why.
Emi feels it, too.

There is a stream where we went to collect some water samples for a science project ,
and instead of trying to collect water carefully she just put herself right into the water.
I love that, because that is what I wanted to do. I regret that I didn’t, I really do.
Something about water and my girl.
We’ve been going swimming, too, just Emi and me. It’s good.

I am hoping that soon I can share some of the things that are on my mind,
I’m thinking monday.
I am sorry this is so vague, it’s difficult to share without sharing.

One very good thing though,
I am really pleased with our new government, as you all know it’s been a scary time for home educators in the UK, & we can now all breathe a sigh of relief. That’s one less thing to worry about, at least!

“There is no school equal to a decent home and no teacher equal to a virtuous parent.”
- Gandhi

Have a good day.
♥

I love staying up at night, it’s just George & me , because he doesn’t sleep.
I don’t really mind it, it gives me time to listen to music ( a lot of Leonard Cohen recently.) , to get some cleaning,sewing or ironing done, that sort of thing that doesn’t really get done during the day because there is always something else to do. I still haven’t been to the library & I feel we really must go.
Tomorrow we’ll do that. Really!

Emi has been so very sweet recently, even sweeter than usual.
She likes to hold my hand at night, I am loving that so much, she was a very independent baby & toddler, never really into hugs & kisses, and as much as I hate to admit it, I need that. I need her to hug me, to hold my hand and snuggle.
I’m worried,though, because our Baby, he or she will be here so soon, & I’m worried that Emi might feel like we push her away.
Emi sleeps on one side of me, and George sleeps on the other. I’m not sure how this will change, what we will do,though really it’s more “what will happen” , because I don’t think it’s up to us.
We’ve been getting pretty good at the whole going with the flow thing, we just do what’s right for us, what feels right, and that has been so much better than trying to live up to anyone else’s (or even our own) expectations.

Emi really loves her shadow, she is so happy now whenever she notices it.
She dances with it, and she steps very carefully so that she doesn’t step on it.

I love her style so much, especially the hats, she’s always wearing one these days.
We have been worried about her, there have been a lot of new things to take in, a lot of new opinions & ideas,
but it seems to be figured out now, and it’s okay. She’s okay. (I will share more a different time, it doesn’t quite feel right yet.)
I feel like I can breathe again, I can stop wondering why, or what, or how, and can just hug and enjoy my beautiful little girl, I can stop looking for reasons, I can stop trying to change what I can’t change.
That, in itself, should not depend on anything,though,because I’m here to protect her, to love her, unconditionally. To make damn sure that noone ever hurts my beautiful little one’s feelings.

We were walking to the village the other day, and on the way we met a little boy & his mum. They were walking into the same direction so Emi ran ahead and talked to the little boy, and when it was time to go a different way she said “Bye my friend!!” and he said “I’m not your friend and I don’t want to be!“.
It hurt me so much more than I think it hurt her, she really wasn’t all that bothered by it, but I just wanted to yell at that boy. I mean, I get it, children are honest, they are cruel, and they say what they think, but Emi has got such a big heart, she feels so much love and joy and she doesn’t understand why the other people aren’t interested in sharing that. I don’t know how to protect her from all the potential heartache out there.

George is nearly asleep now, (isn’t Clary Sage wonderful? A bit of that in an oil burner and he is asleep within half an hour!) so I better go & do some of that cleaning I was talking about,

Good night!

We picked up these two Aquadraw mats in the thrift shop for £0.50 ,
& while I did expect them to entertain the little ones a bit I never would have expected how much of a success they really are.
Emi absolutely LOVES using water and see it change the colour , and I must admit that I find it a lot of fun, too!

We’ve been using paintbrushes instead of the pens that you get with the mats, which means the mats get wet pretty quickly, but as they dry quite fast it’s not really a problem.

Now I just need to find a travel version of these & we are all set for our trip to Germany in September!

We will be a little quiet this week as we have a lot of doctor’s appointments and birthdays coming up,
but I might check in with a picture or two.

I hope you all have a good weekend!
♥